Tim Dowling: my wife’s gone to war with the tortoise. He’s winning

‘I’m going to trap you,’ she says. The tortoise stares at the ground with a look that says: like hell you will

Three weeks ago, on a cold and damp morning, I met the tortoise as I was crossing the garden between my office shed and the kitchen. He was making a concerted effort to get indoors, but found himself stuck halfway up the step, rocking gently on the fulcrum of the brick’s edge. His back legs were scrabbling to push his undercarriage far enough forward for his front legs to get some purchase, to no avail. As I approached, he fixed me with a severe look that said: your climate sucks, by the way.

“I’m not from here,” I said.

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from The Guardian http://bit.ly/2JPT9Zu